My thoughts on turning 40

In July 2011, I just turned the historical mark of 40.  Yes, 40 years on this earth.  Some years have progressed very quickly, other years just took forever, especially in my teenage years

I remember those times between the ages of 12 through to 17 years of age, I just wanted to grow up so quickly, but it took forever to do it.  I wanted everything instantly, I wanted certain things to happen yesterday. 

My desire for family and marriage started very early in life... with children... oh about 10.  I would cut out pictures of models from pamphlets and create a family that was absolutely perfect.  Being a part of a large family had always attracted me at a very early age.  My family only resulted in my parents, my sister and myself and it just didn't seem like enough.

Throughout my 20s, I dreamt of living a very full life but marriage seemed to be the answer to this.  I was so locked into thinking this would solve all my issues.  That perfect man would make it all so wonderful.

I looked forward to my 30 year mark... and felt it was a time for new beginnings and my prayers to find my ultimate soulmate would be answered, that the Lord would surely bless me with a husband. But it didn't happen and I grieved that for the first few months of my 30s.

So, I finally got the courage to ask the Lord to take away that desire to be married because it hurt too much.  I felt I wasted wishing my life away for far too long. I believe the Lord did take that desire for a season... it was now time to live and enjoy life.   Marriage was not an option at that time.

Approaching the age of 40, most people dread, but I was looking forward to it.  It's a new era, a new season... being offered a membership, well a virtual membership to join the 40s club is always an honour (lol).  Turning 40 set me up to take on new adventures.   This time it is different.  I have grown up, seen a little more of life, visited a couple of countries, experienced some great and not so great moments in life.  That maturity and those experiences in life has prepared me for so much.

The last couple of years, the time has come where I have started to desire a family again, not 10 children though.  Those desires for a husband have now returned.  Dreams and visions of a wedding and seeing my future husband entering the room are all a part of preparing me for this journey and knowing that God is trully in this.  Life is good.  This time it is different from desiring my mate in the past.  I just know that God has the best timing for me and my future man, that He has it all worked out. I don't have to strive anymore.  I just need to continue getting myself ready and prepared the destiny he has already planned for my life.  No more worrying and being anxious for anything.

I am more focused in what I want in life, but most importantly what God's will is for my life.  There is nothing impossible for the One who can do the possible in all things.  He is continually directing me to walk on the right path that's set up for me, as I continue to make Him the centre of my life.  He is so good to me. 

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Toothache 2010

Back in March last year - this was what I wrote and experienced:

Interesting start to the week... since Sunday I have had a toothache that has slowly got more painful each hour and each day.  I have taken so many pills, nothing worked. Argh... no sleep and a terrible pain.  I needed to get something to help me sleep and the dentist was not available until the next day.  I didn't want to go through another night of waking up and feeling pain... lots of pain... like someone hooking your tooth pulling at it.

My face has now swelled on the left hand side of my face.  My eye is half closed and just touching my cheek sends me to the roof.  To smile or to laugh hurts.  Anything that requires me to use the muscle in my face is very painful.  I can't sleep on that side of my face.  All I want to do is sleep. It's not a pretty place to be in and just take stronger mediciation just to relieve the pain for temporary periods of time so I can sleep.  The strongest pain killer only lasts for a little under two hours at a time. Most of them just shade the pain, dulling it slightly without causing huge headaches.

I visited the dentist today.  He said he can't do anything until the swelling goes down and I have antibotics to fight the infection in my system.  Totally in tears now and feeling as if I can't keep going on like this.  The dentist did say that I needed to make a decision: root canal or extract the tooth.  Decisions had to be made.  At first I said root canal but still wasn't sure due to the success rate after such procedure, how long it lasted plus the huge cost to have it done.

Home again and more sleep, antibotics and more pain killers.

Once the swelling went down a little, I had a thought that I may need to extract the tooth... vanity took the better of me and I had to check in the mirror my tooth on the side of my mouth if this would affect my smile and if it could be seen when I smiled. 

A few days later, the swelling had decreased a little and time to go back to the dentist.  Now to find out which tooth is infected and which one was causing all that pain.  Not as easy to find when all the left side of my face was infected and swollen.

Once the tooth was found - I had a decision to be made:

1. a root canal surgery? a lot of money to pay for this (do have some savings in the bank) but no guarantee that the root canal will last or

2. extract the tooth? less money but no tooth, a hole for the tongue to play with later.  :) and will my smile show the hole where my tooth was?  I practiced smiling until I realised no, it is not that noticable.  I decided to get rid of the tooth.  Once I had made the decision and the dentist started to extract... I was thinking have I made the right decision?  it's too late now. arghh.

A few weeks later, the tooth cavity had healed up.  I have lived to tell, that I am alright and a lot better since then.  What an experience!!!

This happened over a few weeks, but it felt like months.  I do appreciate my teeth and my sleep for that matter.

Thanks for listening.

Beautified Home and Slimmer Me for 2011

It has been such a long time since I blogged anything. So much has happened since my last post in 2010. Where has 2011 gone? Anyway, firstly I have gained full-time employment til the end of October and all those renovations and jobs around my home are finally getting done.

Working over the last two years, with short contracts... I finally can save and start organising tradies to replace, repair and restore those jobs that will beautify my home. I am really excited.

 

I have lost a massive 15 kilograms and feel a lot better for. The journey of losing weight through winter had it's challenges but thanks to Lite N Easy, these meals made it so much easier. I feel lighter and more energtic.  Another 10kg to go and then I have reached my goal.

Beautified home and slimmer Me.... !!! :)

Love without Strings (by Graham Cooke)

Sometimes, when we think we love someone, actually what we love most is what he or she gives us. If for any reason that changes, then our relationship could be adjusted to reflect our disappointment or even bewilderment. We are always changed by our experiences of being loved. What makes us mature in loving is when we see our contribution to others as the bigger part of love. We love because we want to be an expression of who Jesus is for us. We love without strings or thought of reward.

Love gives permission to change and support the process. It does not wait on the sidelines until change is complete before it rejoins the relationship. Love is a willingness to share the journey and be part of the story. Life can be a comedy, a tragedy, usually a drama, always an adventure, and unfortunately, occasionally a soap opera. Real love always plays a leading role never a bit part.

We want excitement, not boring predictability, yet we often fail to understand that real love is mostly about how we overcome circumstances, not how we avoid them. Life is unforeseen, unpredictable, and made up of pleasure and pain. To navigate the twists and turns of our journey without using love as a compass and guide, means we will neither discover nor become the relational equivalent of True North. This is the most genuinely true alignment that can exist in the harmony between people.

Love does not accept a negative. It will challenge fear in an appropriate manner. Love stands up for love. The evidence of our lack of love is that we are afraid to be hurt or rejected. That can mean that we relate to people in the present so as to prevent ourselves from being hurt, as we once were in the past. That is dysfunctional and sad. We are governed by a present/past mindset that is protective in a completely wrong way. Perfect love casts out fear. The antidote to fear is to fully understand the power of love.

Love is not about opening yourself up to another. It is choosing to be your real self no matter what occurs. Love is about how we love, not who loves us. “I am what I love, not what loves me.” This has become one of the most powerful identity statements that I have ever made. It has produced a freedom that has revolutionized my relationships. Real love cannot be rejected, because it never seeks a return. Love is not an investment. It is the right thing to do. It is a part of our righteousness. That is, it is not just about doing the right thing, but more about being the right person. Be true to yourself and love others.

When the relationship of one person to another becomes toxic, love is still possible even if trust is negotiable. In real love, we always believe the best of someone. If their pattern of behavior does not change, eventually the lack of trust will bring us to a crossroads. It is no longer possible to believe the best, but we can believe that they have the potential to become better. Love relates to people’s potential rather than their actual nature.

Love overcomes our own hurts and wounds. How do we love someone when love is not returned? In exactly the same way as if it were! We love for the joy of loving. Love means that we don’t have to “fix” people. We simply resource them with how we see them, think about them, and value them. Doing something for someone else without the need for recognition or gratitude will benefit the giver as much as it will the recipient. Love expressed, increases.

Love does not control another’s destiny nor stifle their identity. We are learning to love openly and generously. Love that is founded on dependency can become toxic. We can suffocate people with our expectations and demands. We can over-protect like a security blanket that smothers people and allows them no freedom to discover life. Love releases people. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. It is not our responsibility to change people but to give love freely and without strings. We earn the right to give advice. Loving-kindness opens up the door of trust.

We are accepted in the Beloved. The Father has put us into the place of His truest love and utmost affection. He put us into Jesus. He loves us exactly as He loves Jesus, even though we are at this time very different in lots of ways. We are learning to be made in His image. In the process of learning, we are loved as though we have made it! Being in Christ is a paradox. We are in Jesus with all the benefits of being like Him while we are learning to become as He is.

With true love, the process is as good as the end result! God gives love not by measure, but in fullness. Therefore, if we are worthy of love to begin the process, the same love that empowered us to start will compel us to finish. There are no degrees in the love of Heaven. Love is love, God is love, and so are we.

God as my source.

This year has been one of those interesting and challenging years in the area of money and the source from where my needs are met. 

Throughout the years, I have worked in long term contract or permanent full-time employment, always being able to pay for things in one go, go to any concert I wanted, ability to save, go on shopping sprees, buy the latest fashions, money being availble and always on hand for anything, always having enough to do what I wanted and when I wanted to do it.   Most of the time, I really enjoyed saving the money for that large purchase I was able pay in one go and feeling a sense of accomplishment in this.  I also loved watching the interest of my mortgage decrease as  I made extra payments and the ability to just save and watch it grow and have that safety net for when that rainy day came.  Well, that rainy day did come and for a lot longer than I anticipated.  So far, it has been 17 months.

Over this time, I have worked in short term contracts and temporary job assignments.  I had more time out of work than in work.  This took me on a new journey and level of trust in God, that I thought I already had.    I thought my trust was in the Lord, but my trust was in the savings in my bank account.  As started to see this money decrease, I needed to make a decision of whether I was going to be anxious about this or choose to trust God to meet my needs. 

At the start of this year, I prayed a prayer that only the brave should pray.  My prayer went something like this:
'Lord, increase my level of trust in You so that I may know you more and bring me to a place where I am totally dependant on You.' 

If you don't think He answers prayer, try this one out and I guarantee He will answer it.   I came to a cross road in my life where I needed Him to be so real to me and everything else just didn't satisfy me anymore.  I knew I needed to reach a new level in Him (a deeper level).   I knew that this prayer would cost me. I didn't realise the full impact until later this year, but I am learning fast now. LOL 

One of the major lessons I am learning is that my focus needed to change to see God as  my only source who could meet my every need in life, not my employment whether it be current or future, nor my fortnightly Centrelink (government) allowance or the money I saved in the bank for a rainy day.   I started to see that these provisions were only temporal, they had limitations as my savings was depleting and a job could be taken from me at any time.  God's resources were so much more varied and unlimited and I only had  the Lord to hold onto.  My dependance on Him was and is becoming greater.

It's interesting, although I am still on this journey (and this I am sure will be a continual process), the Lord is showing me that He knows what all my needs are and will not leave me with nothing, even though sometimes it seems like I am living so close to the edge of this.  He is showing me and opening my eyes to the blessings of every day and His provision that's available through His many different ways and avenues.

Through this time, He is challenging me to continue to tithe out of obedience and give in other areas while I have this large financial need in my life.   His desire is to bless me more than I desire to be blessed.   I know I can't afford not to tithe, because it's better to obey and trust than depend on my own means and ways of doing things.

As the bills come in, this is where I am challenged the most, but God has provided work when required.  During this season, I haven't always been able to buy or pay off most things in one go as before and I have had to go without some expenses, which I found I haven't really needed to purchase afterall and at times God has provided this need in other ways.  When I start to get anxious, I am constantly reminding myself and putting into perspective that He is trustworthy and faithful.  He sticks to His promises and promised in His word that He will supply all my needs according to his riches in glory and He has done that so far and I know there is so much more to come. 

So far,  I have had two interstate holidays in Adelaide and Queensland.    I have attended three major conferences (Graham Cooke and James Goll, Dan McCallum and Brenton Brown and a international CRC conference in Adelaide).  I have been to a Guy Sebastian concert.   I have all my survival needs met: food on the table, a roof over my head, all my utility bills paid before the due date, clothes on my back, petrol in the car as well as a vehicle to go places and  family and friends who love me and all the talents, gifts and abilities He has created within me plus much more.  The most important for me is having the Lord in my life, who is continually directing and guiding me, because without Him I don't know where I would be.

I have noticed that when I am working in any organisation, I am not tied to the job or position anymore or the management in charge of me.  My focus is becoming more on the Lord.  He is in charge of my needs and is teaching me to relax (learning not to be anxious about how long the contract will go), and there is favour with the Lord while trusting in Him with all present and future needs and finances or resources become available when I need it. This, of course, is a process and it's a journey but God has never let me down, when I do my part and that's trust and obey.

For example, when I came back from Adelaide in October this year, I had electricity, gas, water, telephone, rates and my mortgage all come in at once.  I had spent more money in Adelaide than budgeted, I didn't have a lot of money left and the only income was through Centrelink (Australian Government allowance).  God knew I needed assistance and supplied me with part-time work for six weeks.  I have paid all the bills before their due date and paid half of those bills that are not yet due.

God has made a promise to take care of me and all I need is to trust and learn to take care of what He cares about.  He is so true to His promises and because I am learning to trust Him for my needs, and not what work brings in, He is showing me time and time again that He is so faithful.

God is allowing this season in my life to happen, so He can reveal a greater measure of Himself to me and to trust the only One (my Lord) who is faithful and trustworthy.  What He can do for me, He can do for you.  I am a tesimony to this and my testimony continues.

Life is so good... God is so good.  As I look back and review what has happened so far... I am truly BLESSED and I know there are more exciting things to come.

Mallacoota

In February of this year, I visited friends at their B & B in Mallacoota. Time just flew. The weather has been just perfect and I enjoyed just doing absolutely nothing.  I do enough in my everyday life and really enjoyed being looked after and blessed with a bed, great company, meals and even space.

Life is interesting when you go away, it gives one the opportunity to chill and disconnect from the day to day responsibilities of everyday life.

Here are a couple of pictures of Mallacoota (Enjoy!).  I didn't take any photos because I was enjoying myself too much and just didn't think to take any photos, which is so unlike me. :)

I just want to give opportunity once again to thank Sarah and DJ and their family for letting me stay.  I was meant to post this a while ago.  I figure better late than never.  Love you guys. :)

Since then I have visited Cairns QLD in May 2010 and Adelaide in September 2010 and will share of these holidays in near future posts.   I am so blessed!!!

Father's Love Letter

An intimate message from God to you

My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.  Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.  John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.  1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.  1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child  and I am your Father.  1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.  Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.  Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.  James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.  Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.  Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.  Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.  Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.  Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.  Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.  2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I lovedthat I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Getting the Creative Juices flowing...

Tonight I had an opportunity to be creative.  If there is any opportunity to be creative, you can count me in.  I thoroughly enjoy creating things.   Would you like to know what my creations are?  How about I just show you!!  Keep scrolling... and enjoy!

My First Card Attempt

This is a little difficult to capture through scanning... the butterfly's wings fold up, to give the card a 3D effect and there are three sets of wings... green and deep red follow.  This is one of my favourites.

Each circle has raised stickers underneath, giving once again this card that 3D effect.

This is another favourite one of mine.  Each layer on the flower has stickers underneath to again give that 3D effect.  The writing below says 'adorable'.  My sister is getting this one, once her baby is born.

These cards are 4 x 4 inches.  As a group of friends, we all sat around a table creating cards, chatting and admiring each other's creations.  It was a good night and I had so much fun.  I was so impressed with what was created tonight. Imaginations went wild, creative juices were flowing... and there are still endless ideas, just waiting to be created.    I am definitely going back to create more cards. 

Now, I need to decide who to give the rest of these cards to? hmmmm....

Finding God's Perspective

I can't take the credit for the following post... I found this on the Bill Johnson website.  This really put things in perspective for me.  I have read this a few times as there is a lot to take in.  Please share your thoughts after you read this post, I would love to hear them.

Most of us are acutely aware that we live in a world at war. But the war is not over power, land or money, or even good and evil. It is over something even more basic. The war is over truth, and the battlefield is the mind of every person. This war began in heaven, when Satan was cast down, but we were implicated in it by Adam and Eve--not merely when they ate the forbidden fruit, but when they decided to trust in a lie over God's truth. Eating the fruit was merely evidence that they had believed the enemy's lie. When you believe a lie, you empower the liar - agreeing with the devil empowers him. This becomes his license to kill, steal, and destroy. When Adam and Eve did so they denied God's truth, which amounted to cutting off the branch on which there were sitting. Adam and Eve literally fell, but it happened when they decided to abandon God's perspective for a distortion. Romans 1:18-21 describes the fall of man explicitly as a fall from the truth:

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts and their foolish hearts were darkened.

Paul says that the reality of God's eternal power and nature are "clearly seen" in the visible realm. That phrase literally means "seen from above." When Adam and Eve fell, they fell from God's perspective on reality. Before they "suppressed the truth", they had unbroken access to the truth of God's nature and His intentions for history. Paul also says that "what may be known of God [was] manifest in them." This implies that, because they were made in the image of God, they could look at each other and see what God was like. But when they suppressed the truth of who God was, their own image was distorted, separating them from their identity and purpose.  From this point on, the human race inherited a distorted perspective on reality and history. 

Now that the breach of sin has been healed by the Cross, we as believers must allow the testimonies of God to teach us the truth that was lost to Adam and Eve--both His plan for history, and our identity and role in His-story. God's plan for mankind has never changed, because He has not changed.